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Yes, this resonates. While I am living close to my parents since covid hit, I often feel guilty for not spending enough time as they would like. I’ve learned to say something along the lines of “I would like to spend more time with you but I won’t feel good unless I do xyz and want to spend the best possible quality time with you” whatever that might be ..even if it’s being in you’re binging TV for the next day. I think I look at it as I want to bring the healthiest version of myself when I am interacting with others and that’s for both of our benefits. Hope that helps a bit!
I think in my mother’s generation, sacrificing your career was common. She raised 3 of us daughters and we’re all successful but I know she had to sacrifice her career for it. We are first generation immigrants. Of course, this was expected where she grew up in that generation. Still, she took countless jobs, volunteered, and is always seeking different job opportunities and ways to bring income in even though my father has worked really hard to be secure there too. I admire her a lot for it and I know I remember to persevere when I am feeling unhappy in my career.
This verse by Rupi Kaur resonates with me:
as a father of three daughters
it would have been normal
for him to push marriage on us
this has been the narrative for
the women in my culture for hundreds of years
instead he pushed education
knowing it would set us free
in a world that wanted to contain us
he made sure that we learned
to walk independently
-rupi kaur
Baking has been therapeutic as well as painting. Focusing on Im doing this just for me and it does not need to be perfect helps 🙂
If you’re here, you are taking active steps to heal, cope, give love, and receive love. You are taking an active step at loving yourself. That is amazing. Do not minimize your efforts and the power you have created within yourself, it took strength and perseverance. You are more whole than you realize and I am so excited to see what this New Year brings for you.
Hi Gillian,
^I agree with the above that it’s good have that inner voice be a little more gentle and compassionate towards yourself, you are going to do great! Something I wish I knew earlier in my academic career was so important of meeting your own needs to prevent procrastination and escapism. We all have our own needs – say the need for emotional connection, comfort, or fun. I have found that even on days that are harder at work I give myself time to get to the root of what is bothering me or what is missing. Once I have confronted that, I am able to proceed. I binge television or listen to a lot of music because it’s fulfilling a connection for me but I might be getting it in little drops. So perhaps actually just going for a good walk with a friend and having a conversation in the morning before starting work prevents from going to something else. How about a nice bubble bath for actual comfort with hot tea? Try getting those needs met before starting on your studying so your feel ready to tackle it. I use to get up and try to study and procrastinated for hours on end and then beat myself up internally for not getting what I wanted done.
In addition, sometimes we do not have the most enjoyable of tasks in front of us either so it helps to look at it in another way. Ie. You might actually hate Biology or something but finding some sort of connection to something you care about like ‘this knowledge can help to cure people in the long run’ at the forefront of your thoughts can help motivate to get through it.
I hope that helps and best of luck, you got this!!
Hi Ashley,
I think being really open in communication about it helps (being super honest). Ie) For me to feel fulfilled in a relationship, I really value quality time and deep conversations. Do you think we could maybe do that over coffee in the mornings? I’ve noticed you love it when I do the dishes without being asked (or other act of service if that’s their love language), I am going to try and be better at that too. Paying attention to how they express their love for you might be the way in which to return it but also having them understand the way you receive love is important and being clear about it so that they can express affection for you too. I think it really helps the other person feel seen or understood. I hope that helps!
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